Mutual Finance

Well you may not become a billionaire or even a millionaire, but research shows that marriage helps couples and individuals generate more income and wealth than singles, and even cohabitating couples.

According to The Marriage Project researchers out of Rutgers University in New Jersey,

“… People who marry become economically better off. Men become more productive after marriage; they earn between ten and forty percent more than do single men with similar education and job histories. Marital social norms that encourage healthy, productive behavior and wealth accumulation play a role. Some of the greater wealth of married couples results from their more efficient specialization and pooling of resources, and because they save more. Married people also receive more money from family members than the unmarried (including cohabiting couples), probably because families consider marriage more permanent and more binding than a living-together union…”

If married couples have so much potential to be wealthy, why are money issues one of the leading causes of divorce? I have one simple answer. When couples take their focus off of their partner’s emotional, physical and spiritual needs to worry about their finances or acquire more material possessions, they loose sight of one of the greatest missions and privileges of life: to love another human being.

Money is a wonderful and powerful tool, but don’t let it consume you. Here are seven ways to find balance and keep your marriage happy and healthy.

1. Set financial goals for your family and prioritize them.

2. Develop a spending plan that can help both parties feel fulfilled. A great example of this strategy can be found in Debt-Proof Your Marriage: How to Achieve Financial Harmony by Mary Hunt.

3. Owe no one anything but love. Work towards being debt free.

4. Create a savings plan that includes 3-6 months living expenses. Then focus on investments. It may be tight, but try living off of one income for a time.

5. Try to find ways to be generous and give to charitable organizations regularly. If you belong to a church, tithe.

6. Pay the bills together. I know it may seem hard to find the time at first, but it can be a chance to review current spending.

7. Work towards owning a home (or a new car) only when you’re ready. Don’t feel the urge to do it because you’ve had a baby, your friends are doing it, or you’re “tired of renting”.

I leave you with this final word: Richness is not about having more money or showing off what you have. It’s about finding abundance where you are and having courage, grace and savvy to go beyond your current circumstance.
Be rich.

Keishia Lee-Louis is the Editor and Publisher of http://www.Married4Good.com (launching November 2005). Her work has appeared on iVillage.com, BibleResourceCenter.com, and in numerous other printed publications.

Currently, she lives with her husband, daughter and son and is writing a book on marriage and relationships which will be published Spring 2006.

If you’d like to see more of her work, visit http://married4good.blogspot.com

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1. HAVE GUIDELINES.

Both partners must mutually agree on financial guidelines. Marriage is a partnership so both partners must participate and mutually agree on financial guidelines and budget making.

2. NEGOTIATE.

Nothing is set in stone. Your budget and spending guidelines should change just as your lives do. Both partners can negotiate and renegotiate when necessary.

3. KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

Wants and needs are two very different things. Make sure the family needs are taken care of before entertaining the thought of spending on each others wants.

4. DON’T TURN ON YOUR SPOUSE.

Your spouse is your partner. When times get rough you and your partner must band together to develop a plan of attack.

5. MAINTAIN INDEPENDENCE.

Yes, a marriage is a partnership, however this does not mean that each person must lose their financial independence. Agree on a spending amount or ‘allowance’ for each person. The allowance is used as personal spending of their choice.

6. DON’T HIDE IT.

Don’t hide the money (income or spending) from your spouse. Trust plays a major role in successful relationships. If you have negotiated a budget that you both are abiding by there should be no reason to hide finances.

7. DON’T SPEND IT IF YOU DON’T HAVE IT.

If you don’t have the money at the time you are purchasing itchances are you can’t afford it.

8. TALK ABOUT IT.

Talk about buying big-ticket items. These sorts of purchases impede on guidelines so they too should be agreed upon before spending the money.

9. BE REALISTIC.

Fully understand your budget. Know how much your family income is and what your expenses are. Create your budget based on real numbers.

10. DON’T RENEG ON YOUR AGREEMENT.

Once you have agreed to something follow the agreement. Breaking it will result in lost trust, frustration and feeling disrespected.

11. BEWARE OF ‘WHEN’ THINKING.

Don’t get caught in ‘when’ thinking - “I’ll pay this off when I get my next pay.” Most of us are guilty of doing this at one point and many of us have realized that ‘when’ never arrives. Usually the money you thought could be used to pay for your
purchase has already been allocated towards the budget.

12. KEEP TRACK OF SPENDING.

Write down each financial transaction your make, groceries, bill payment, gas, entertainment etc. Visually seeing spending habits will help identify areas where money is being wasted. Note: online banking is a great way to keep track of your spending

13. DON’T BE DRIVEN BY EMOTION.

Don’t spend for the emotional high of it. Understand what drives you to spend and realize that careless spending can cause bigger emotional stress. Remember, emotional problems will not be solved with money.

14. BE INFORMED.

Educating yourself is crucial in helping make the best decisions possible. There are many laws and incentives impacting your finances that many problems can be avoided if both individuals had the knowledge they needed to make better decisions.

15. FIGHT FAIRLY.

Do not use money as a weapon to attack your partner.

16. DECIDE ON YOUR ACCOUNTS.

Joint or not to jointthat is the question. Couples have come to many different arrangements when it comes to this. Whether you keep separate accounts, a joint account or both separate and joint accounts it doesn’t matter, just as long as both people are happy with the arrangement.

17. REMEMBER YOU AGREED TO IT.

Don’t be resentful if things don’t turn out the way you thought they would. Remember, you agreed to it.

18. USE A SYSTEM FOR BILLS.

Who pays household bills should be discussed. Whether it’s one partner who takes on the responsibility or both people choose to pay them make sure that there is a system in place for bill paying.

19. REFLECT BEFORE REACTING.

Many times relationship problems mask themselves as financially motivated issues. Before reacting to problems that seem to be financial ask yourself what the
root of the problem really is.

Gina Goldenberg,

info@messmanagement.com

More Details about Home and personal financial management here. By Gina Goldenberg BA, Cert. Ed. -Mess Management http://www.messmanagement.com FREE Mess Management Idea-Pak and E-zine, filled with tips and information articles to help you organize your home or office and simplify your life.

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Every marriage is different. And successive marriages are going to be more complicated. You’re a little farther along the financial trail this time. On the upside, you may have accumulated cash or property. There’s the downside at this junction sometimes too - debt may have followed you.

Either way, finances can be a make or break situation in your new relationship, so be sure to come to agreement on all issues. Did you agree to joint finances? If not, do you understand how your separate accounts will contribute to your budget?

If either spouse has pre-marital equity or holdings, you may wish to keep those items completely separate, especially if there are children on either side who will inherit. Don’t wave it away to worry about later, reach your agreements now! Consulting with an attorney regarding pre- or post-nuptials is an excellent idea, and just might give you both the peace of mind that will boost your statistical chances for a happy, healthy marriage. Let’s face it - statistics are staggeringly not in favor of a successive marriage lasting. Launching such a relationship with as much going in its favor as possible is simply the smart thing to do.

While you’re at your attorney’s office, inquire into exactly how your marital equity may be assessed in any property currently owned by your spouse. It varies somewhat from state to state. Ensure both of you understand all aspects in order to arrive at the best agreements concerning finances.

This approach may seem negative - is it actually planning for divorce at the beginning of a new marriage? Successive marriage makers have already seen what can happen in a divorce. Their eyes are wide open. Tackling financial what-ifs that coast into agreements will actually strengthen your marriage. Money is the number one cause of divorce. A successive marriage already carries some residual divorce baggage, some of which most likely included financial issues. Put your new marriage on the right track by agreeing what is yours, mine and ours.

Laura McDonald lives in Frankfort, KY, with her husband Patrick. She is a paralegal. Laura’s interests include psychology, movies, music, and writing. She has created a website called The Third Wives Club, directed primarily to women married three or more times. You may visit her site at: http://www.freewebs.com/luckslec/

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